First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Randomize