Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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