You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
