She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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