My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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