R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
