"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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