Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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