he was CRYING into my vagina
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
