I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
