The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
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