is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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