i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
