Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
