if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
