Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
