Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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