This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
