Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
