Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
