So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
