Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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