WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
