Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
