I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize