Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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