its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
