Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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