Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You've changed since you got that strap on
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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