Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
