I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You were trust falling into bushes
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
