is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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