in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
