i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
