Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
