Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I need to align my fucking chakras
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
