All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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