His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
