the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I think my vagina is haunted
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
