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Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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