thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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