How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I want to be your penis for a week.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
