arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I can't put those talents on a resume
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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