Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
