Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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