I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Randomize
