You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
