i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
