Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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