I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
