look no pants
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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