okay pat passed out under dana's car
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
