Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
