i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
