I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
