Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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