It's like a parade of train wrecks.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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