he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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