youre lurking in front of me
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
