I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
