Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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