oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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