omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
