Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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