It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
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