I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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