i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
