Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
