I'm sorry my penis didn't work
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
