dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
