Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
